(no subject)

[winterbadger]

In another conversation, someone said:

...what chance does partner A have of finding someone suitably compatible while partner B remains on the radar as this tremendously good friend with whom they share everything but sex?

... If you're interested in having a partner rather than just a good friend you're going to lose part of the commitment to the friend when you start looking elsewhere for a partner.

As anyone who knows me will understand, I have a vested interest in believing this not to be true. But it's a coherent expression of a response I've had from a number of people I've been interested in dating.

Comments?

[And, Max, if you object for some reason to my quoting your post, let me know. I figured it was more appropriate to do so without direct attribution and without linking to the original discussion because I wanted to discuss my reactions but I didn't want to hijack the thread the discussion originally took place in.]

Comments

[robbysmom.livejournal.com]

The trouble really would be the common, understandable but annoying insecurties of any new partner understanding that a friednship with a former spouse wasn't in fact going to mean there wasn't "enough of you," as it were, for the new partner.

My own belief is that way to many folks think they have to have all the attention and all the human affection of the partner-- you know, until they've been together long enough that they feel secure and/or really need some space for their own human growth.

Now, in the liminal stages of a relationship the avbove sitaution if often the preference of both new partners. I mean, for folks who work for a living, if they're goign to bed in bed for as many hours as possible with only each other (and maybe the occasional cat who says "Oh, petting time, me too")-- it's really not possible to spend much time with friends. (All single peopel compain about this, too, in my experience, when a formerly single friend suddenly dumps them for a new love interest. . . )

But the problem, I think, as I've said before, is really not the friendship. It's that we all seem drugged by notions of romance that are often detrimental to our well-being over time.