(no subject)

[winterbadger]

Once again, I'm left frustrated by the absence of a mentor, someone I could go to with tough decisions to get the advice of experience and wisdom. At 43, I suppose I'm supposed to not need such, but that sure ain't so.

I loved my dad very much, but he was never really that person for me. I knew he loved me and trusted in my abilities, but I never felt that our worlds ran close enough together that I could ask him for concrete advice. I worked for a couple of guys about 10-15 years ago who came close to being mentors, but one was (no offense to him--he was a good guy) not quite smart enough that I would have sought advice from him, and the other was smart, thoughtful, and caring, but was far too busy to ever have time for that sort of conversation. :-( I lost touch with the one guy who might have been a good foil, though I see he's now a senior consultant at the nation's third leading national ad agencies. Good on you, Dr. Bob.

So I fumble on as best I can, trying to think things through and occasionally asking you, my good friends, for advice.

But I miss what maybe I never really had, someone older and wiser who I could go to and say "You know, I've got this decision, and I'm finding it really hard. Maybe you could give me some advice..."

Comments

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

I so second this. I"ve been a mentor to _so_ many people (professionally and more informally). I've had two mentors I really respected. My first psychotherapy tutor and my current playwright tutor, so I've been luckier than you - but still more often than not I really want someone to help me with the hard decisions, and even the less hard ones - like on today when the world seems full of professional rejection and I'm left thinking can I really keep taking this or what?

[winterbadger]

Yeah, I've been sympathising, (though not vocally enough) with the tribulations you've been through with your writing. :-( I only had one spate of rejection like that, a long time ago, and I didn't deal with it with nearly the poise and maturity you are showing!

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

Does chewing the furniture count as mature? :)

[winterbadger]

Compared to drinking most of a bottle of vodka? Yes! ;-) (OK, so I was 23 at the time, and I'd seen two successive career plans go down in flames, but it was still a foolish and irresponsible thing to do...)

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

You should meet our authors over here. :)
I must admit the current run of rejection is getting me down. The irony is I don't mind if people tell me my work is crap it's when they pass it from reader to reader and hum and ha for months before saying no that I get very worn down.

[winterbadger]

Naturally! If they said they didn't like it right away (a) you would know and (b) they would hopefully give you some feedback. This way your expectations get strung out and I imagine they end up coming back with very vague comments.

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

Vague and conflicting - I think I now officially fall into the catagory of 'they have to say something'. Of course, repeated rejection of a MS does imply there is something wrong, but if no one agrees or they argue from diametrically opposed opinions ( the current situation) it's very hard to figure what to do. But I'm pending with three folk currently - so fingers crossed.

[wolfette]

I was 37 when my mother died. Fortunately pretty well settled in life by that time, though I still miss her input on many things - particularly on things like dress-making projects. However my youngest sister had just turned 16 three weeks before. She's really missed out on a mother/mentor (big sisters don't count apparently).

[silme.livejournal.com]

It's a strange feeling knowing you're the age when you suddenly turn into the mentor, isn't it? Sometimes it makes me wonder if the people who were my mentors when I was younger felt insecure in their roles as well!

[bidger.livejournal.com]

I hope I'm never so old that I don't need people's advice!

The trick in my case is to give them the impression you are
about to cock something up terribly, and let their nervous
instincts kick in, so you don't have to ASK for it. :)