(no subject)

[winterbadger]

Neta and I were at the Screaming Eagles viewing party, watching the end of the second leg of the DC United-Chivas de Guadalajara Champions Cup series, when my phone rang. It was my sister Cornelia, calling to let me know our dad had died.

I feel as if I had a chance to say goodbye the last time I was there, and I don't feel as if he, the person I knew and loved, has really been there for a while, so I'm not sad I wasn't there at the last. My mum went to see him the other day, and C. says he was just overjoyed to see her and they had a very happy time together, so I hope she won't be having any lingering feelings of guilt, which I was afraid of before.

I'm sad, of course, but mostly I'm mystified as to exactly what happened. It sounds as if he was lucid and happy, but in considerable discomfort, so his going now was probably for the best. But the reports I've heard have seemed so completely disparate (one minute he's in a decline, then the next he's talking and eating and getting stronger), and so little actual medical explanation for what's happened has been forthcoming that I'm terrifically puzzled.

But, in the end, that isn't really what's important. What's important is that he seems to have been relatively happy and calm at the end, instead of furious and unhappy as he was when he went to the hospital. That we all got a chance to see him and say goodbye. That he isn't suffering in body or mind anymore.

Being the English teacher he was, I know he'd like to be remembered in a poem. I looked for one and had a hard time choosing. For now, I think this is a good one.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Comments

[rolypolypony.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your dad. It does sound, like you say, that now he's at peace and not suffering. I am still sorry fot your family's loss, and will be thinking of all of you.

*HUG*

[aitkendrum.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear the news. A lovely poem. :(

[winterbadger]

Thanks!

I was talking to my sister Cornelia and my mum just now, and C said "Do you want to hear something funny? or maybe creepy? but in a funny way?" I said "Sure."

She said, "I went to turn on his computer last night to send David [her son] an email to call me, because I couldn't get him on the phone. His computer won't work. I turned it off and then on a gain to be sure. And it was working fine when you were here, right?"

It was--there was nothing wrong with it a week or two ago when I was there.

[winterbadger]

Thank you! Here's a kitty, to show my gratitude. :-)

[shy-kat.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss but happy that things ended peacefully and quickly.

Try not to expect a distinct diagnosis. People 9and animals0 do die of "old age". And there is an awful lot that the medical community doesn't know yet about all types of things.

[winterbadger]

Thank you! And, yes, I'm thinking that this is just about the best way for things to have turned out. My mum was so convinced that he was just going to linger on and on, since his family are pretty long-lived.

Yeah, I realise that sometimes we just... stop. And I am also coming to think that a lot of what I have been hearing about how "well" he was doing was couched in very *relative* terms. V may have been meaning that he was very lucid and alert and talkative and comfortable *for someone who was dying* and I wasn't getting the subtext.

[peaceful-fox.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with you and your family. I am so glad that he was at peace in the end and that your mother got to spend some quality time with him. Illness can change the whole personality of a person and I am glad that his last days were better. (((HUGS))) to you.

[lostinarden.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you. What a beautiful poem.

[pusscat.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you, and glad that it seems like all of you (including your father) were in as good a place as you could possibly have been in terms of accepting this. xxx

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

:0(

Glad you got to say goodbye when you were last there. hugs x

[vonandmoggy.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry...Von and I are both thinking of you and your family.

[winterbadger]

Thank you. :-) Yes, he and my mother have been very unhappy with each other for a long time. I was so glad to hear they had some good moments before he left.

[winterbadger]

Isn't it nice? I found it purely by chance, and it seemed even better for him and this moment than Donne, which would have been my other choice right off.

[winterbadger]

Thanks! I was thinking of you, in turn, the other day, as one of the things my sister Victoria said when I saw her was that she would be happy to put me in touch with Richard Holloway when I get to Scotland! :-)

[winterbadger]

Thanks, 'fruitcake! I _was_ glad to see him before he died. I'm feeling as if all is well.

[winterbadger]

Thanks, Moggy!

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Janna sends her condolences too.

The up and down stuff isn't that unusual. It's not so much an event as a process and people can exert a lot of control over the process, save energy up--appearing really sick, then spend on things they think are important like your moms visit when they'll appear (and really will be) in much better shape.

[histoire68.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for your loss. I know from experience it can be incredibly frustrating not to know what and how and why. It's almost as if that gives us some measure of control, knowing, even though it doesn't really. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

[winterbadger]

Thank you guys both for your good wishes.

One of the good things that has come out of this is that my sister has finally told my mum that my nephew is TG. Mum is OK with it, but she agrees it's a good thing we none of us ever told my dad; odds are he wouldn't have dealt with it well for a variety of complex reasons.

I've been thinking of you a good deal recently; it's very odd to be dating someone who is a total DC United FANATIC...but who doesn't know anything about the team prior to about two years ago. :-) Harkes, Etcheverry, Agoos, Williams--these are all just names to her. :-)

[winterbadger]

Thank you! Yes, it does at least help one understand, but there are those things that one just doesn't ever understand. I remember the first time that I realised that one might not finally get all the explanations to things when one dies, and what a blow that realisation was. :-)

[tispity.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm sure he'd approve of your choice of poem, though. I've always loved that piece it's so moving and thoughtful.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[noting-nothing.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to read about your dad. It's a beautiful poem. I'm glad that you were able to say goodbye and that he & your mother were able to spend some time together.

[justjayj.livejournal.com]

My condolences for your loss, and again, I admire the grace and calm with which you've handled this.

[azbound.livejournal.com]

Love to you and yours. I'm keeping you close to my heart.

XOXOXO

[pusscat.livejournal.com]