very nice date

[winterbadger]

We had dinner and talked, then she went home to crash and I came back home to feed my hungry cats. She was (of course) just as nice as when I first met her.She likes me. I'm seeing her again. More later.

Comments

[peaceful-fox.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you had a good time. :-)

[winterbadger]

Thank you! :-)

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

Of course she's nice. She's probably perfect. You're moving to Scotland. The universe is laughing again!

[winterbadger]

I'm moving to Scotland and she's moving to another city for grad school. So yes, she probably *is* a great match for me, and the universe is having a good old laugh. :-)

At least I don't need to cut off one of my legs!

[winterbadger]

*sigh* You didn't have to be *that* right....

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

I am verdandi (the one that knows what is becoming) :)

[winterbadger]

Dratted Norns! :-)

Seriously, this development has me feeling very conflicted. I don't do casual very well, and from what she's been telling me about herself, neither does she. I don't want to throw over all my plans, but I also don't want to just say goodbye to this wonderful person now that I've met her. We have some time to get to know each other before we need to make any decisions, but, if we spend the next three months getting closer and more attached to each other, then what? *sigh* I know, it's not like it all happened spontaneously--I did ask her out. But usually women just say no! :-)

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

It occurs to me to throw over all your plans would put a tremendous strain on your relationship - and even a burden of guilt on each other. You have to make your own decisions, but to me it would seem best to continue with your plans, follows your dreams and see if your passion is strong enough to draw you back together inspite of your dreams.
(sorry for being vaguely poetical - currently writing a rather whimiscal characters speech)

[winterbadger]

Yeah, there is that. But I know myself well enough to know that trying to maintain a relationship for two years across the Atlantic is going to be well-nigh impossible. I don't do well if I can't be around the other person and in direct physical contact on a regular basis.

And that's part of what's giving me pause. With the new regs, there's a good chance that I won't be able to stay after the first two years. I mean, do I seriously think I will be able to take a freelance editing business from initiation to earning £35,000 pa in 24 months? Do I, several months from now, bin a burgeoning serious relationship (if that's what it's gotten to be) on that bet? Having someone I love who wants to build a life with me is a more longstanding dream than living in the UK; I'd like to be able to have both, but do I turn down one without a surety even of the other?

We've been dating for a week; there's so much yet we don't know about each other. There's no way at this point to know if this questions will even be relevant a few months from now. But I can't help thinking about them--it's just who I am.

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you're right to think ahead.
However, there seems to be a secondary issue here - that you're not sure if the UK plan is a good one at all.

[winterbadger]

Let's say that with the change in the regulations, I have concerns about the plan, specifically about the prospect of going through all the trouble and expense to get the visa and move there and then being told after two years that I couldn't stay. That was one thing when I knew (as I did when I first started exploring the possibility of a move) that I would be selling my home and that my housemates, two of my closest friends, were going to be leaving the area. Several of my very close friends had left the area at that point, and several more had just gone off in different directions in their lives.

I'd just broken up with someone I loved dearly and with whom I had been seriously talking about marriage and children. I felt as if I was suddenly losing many of the ties that were binding me to this area, and at just the same time I discovered that moving to the UK, which I had always thought was impossible, was something I could not only do but that I could stay indefinitely.

Now, just as I'm about to move, I find out that it's gotten tremendously harder to stay if I do move. Add to this my concerns about my parents, who really need to move out of their home and into a place where they can get care sometime within the next few years, and who simply will never be able to do that on their own, an issue I feel very guilty about leaving behind unsolved (despite the fact that they discourage any of their children from trying to solve it--the only reason I could have contemplated leaving).

And then I meet someone completely by chance who totally charms me, who seems really interested in getting to know me, who seems on the face of it to be a good match (I can see some issues we need to explore that could be deal-breakers, but I haven't seen any indication they will be), but who has ties to this area that would be hard to break. I feel as if I have to at least explore things with her, get to know her better, which I think I can do without burning my boats to the UK.

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

So lots of issues to explore - life is never simple is it?

[winterbadger]

Yes, and no. There are so many different things to try and gauge. I knew exactly what I wanted to do before I met Neta, but I couldn't have honestly said I was sure it was the right thing to do. I think the times that one can say that must be few and far between, especially when it comes to making important choices. Meeting her has complicated the situation, but it wasn't simple before. Maybe my plans will change once we feel we've gotten to know each other a little better; maybe they won't. But I feel as if I have to find out more.

[winterbadger]

She sent me a lovely email last night that I found just before bed, basically saying all of the things I had been thinking and feeling all day but was afraid to say because it might seem like too much.

I felt all happy and excited and thrilled, and then I looked up at the photograph of Achnambeithach that's over my desk, and all my excitement and happiness ebbed. What if we can't make this work? What if we can't find a compromise for our different large and important goals? That will really, really suck. All of the arguments pro and con I've listed below came flooding back through my mind, along with all of the things that I think are wonderful about N and the differences between us that give me some cause for concern. *sigh* Life never makes things easy, even when it's making them good, does it?

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

woohoo!

[winterbadger]

Indeed! :-)

[rolypolypony.livejournal.com]

Yay!!

[winterbadger]

Absolutely!

[candlelight1228.livejournal.com]

yeah! \o/

[winterbadger]

:0)