more questions for my British (and UK-resident or previously UK-resident ) friends

[winterbadger]

I'm writing a letter of introduction to a woman I've not met, at the suggestion of a personal and professional friend of hers, someone who I'n guessing is in her 50s or early 60s. She is, as far as I can gather, a somewhat bohemian personality, part of the literary world and currently working for a private relief agency.

Should I address the letter "Dear Mrs XXX" (she's been married, but is separated, though not divorced [newspapers put all sorts of thngs into interviews]) or "Dear Ms XXXX"? It seems to me that "Dear [her given name]" is right out, no matter how bohemian someone is or may have been.

Yes, these are the things I fret about. I don't want to goob up a first impression.

Comments

[dativesingular.livejournal.com]

I asked a similar question to my friends and in brits_americans a while ago, and was told that, un-PC as it may be, "Ms" has a homosexual connotation to it to some people. I guess then it all depends on whether Lady XXX is homophobic or not. If someone addressed "Ms" to me, I wouldn't really care since I don't really care about that sort of thing, but I'm not her.

[dativesingular.livejournal.com]

Also, I'll be very interested to hear other responses here--I'm just going by what I was told, but if others don't seem to share this opinion, I think it'll reveal a little latent homophobia on the part of my own friends!!

[maureenkspeller.livejournal.com]

I habitually use Ms and I've never encountered any notion that it implies homosexual tendencies. I occasionally come across people who think it's inelegant and/or who are suspicious that it means I'm one of those feminists (to which the correct response is 'yes' and keep staring until they back off) but most people I encounter don't consider it to be a remarkable usage in any way. Without knowing your friends I couldn't say, but I would be slightly puzzled by such a response.

[dativesingular.livejournal.com]

I just checked your userinfo to see your birthday; perhaps it's a generational thing? Honestly, I'm not sure how much I trust what a fairly small sample of the British public would say (hence the disclaimer in my comment), and I wouldn't be surprised if what you say is more pervasive.

[maureenkspeller.livejournal.com]

Who knows? It may be that I self-select encounters with people who approve of Ms and out there the rest of Britain thinks the same way your friends do, and I've just never noticed. The more I share experiences of language usage, the more fascinated I become by the way in which the patterns I think exist, that is the patterns I experience, are ... well, I'm not even sure what they are, other than my particular experiences, governed by the places I choose to go and the people I choose to speak to. I find it quite scary to consider that maybe the rest of Britain is doing something and I've not been aware of it. And people wonder why I find language so fascinating.

[dativesingular.livejournal.com]

I know I find it fascinating. I've been in a relationship with a Brit for nearly three years, and we both think that surely by now we've learned all of each other's linguistic quirks, and then something will go and surprise us. Two countries separated by the same language, indeed. :)

[winterbadger]

Interesting. Since I really don't know her at all, I'm going to play it safe and go with "Mrs". It may prove moot one way or another...

[maureenkspeller.livejournal.com]

My immediate inclination would be to use 'Ms' unless I was absolutely convinced that the person was of an age and upbringing that would prefer Mrs or Miss. The set of circumstances you describe would reassure me that Ms is just fine.

[winterbadger]

Thanks! I think I may use "Mrs" just to be on the safe side, but I'm betting that you're probably right and "Ms" would be just fine.

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

Hmm, is she using her married name or has she reverted to her maiden name? If the former, you're safe enough with Mrs, if the latter, Ms would be preferable. Is her name or address on a website or somewhere you can check to see which she tends to give out? Ms is still a little unusual here, for an older generation at least..

[winterbadger]

Well, my impression is that she's always gone by the same name, both before and after the separation. She's three names, the last two are sometimes hyphenated as a double-barrel, and sometimes not. I wonder...

AHA! I knew her husband's given name, and tried Googling that with her last two. Looks like it was a double-barrel (that, presumably, they created when they got married), which they are both still using (which makes sense, since they're just separated, not divorced).

So I think, all things considered, I will go with "Mrs"; at worst, I will seem a little formal and archaic, and that's more like me than brash and overly casual (I still call most of my work superiors "sir" unless they tell me to stop).

[nickys.livejournal.com]

As she's a friend of a friend, wouldn't the simplest thing be to ask the person who knows her which form of address she prefers?

[winterbadger]

It would, but it's not easy to get in touch with that person. :-(

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

Mrs. Ms is disliked enormously over here (in my experience) especially by the older generations

[the-perfesser.livejournal.com]

If it feels awkward, it is. You might just write "Dear Samantha Smith...."