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Sep. 23rd, 2005 09:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winterbadger19.30: Tired, exhausted, frustrated. A really long day (0830 to 1945). Confusion and indecision about my future plaguing me and far too many undone tasks piling up all around me, at home and at work.
Sad and lonely. Next week will be approximately two years since C and I separated after 16 years of marriage. Wednesday would have been nine months, if N and I were still together. Met someone really wonderful recently but, of course, she's spoken for. I miss sex a lot, but I miss love and closeness and having someone to share with even more. I miss just having someone warm and soft to snuggle up to at night (well, who isn't furry and apt to suddenly start clawing your feet...) and to exchange smiles and hugs with at the end of a long day.
22.00: Feeling a bit better after a good dinner (large steak with mesquite and lime marinade, salad with parmesan garlic dressing, a couple of bottles of Red Hook ESB). Battlestar Galactica miniseries and Season One DVDs on the telly, thanks to a coworker, supplemented by the Wonderfalls DVDs (thanks to a different coworker) and "Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell" on the bedside table (thanks to Waterstones). At least it's Friday night, my friends and family are safe and none of us anywhere near the Gulf Coast. Ran across a couple of nice-sounding profiles on match.com and sent off emails (eternal optimism). Got the weekend to rest, recover, and take care of a few items from my long, long "to do" list. I recovered about half a dozen cat toys from under my dresser (after Phineas basically inserted half himself underneath trying to reach them), including Nicholas's favourite toy (a rather lifelike little fur-covered wooden mouse) and Finn's favourite (a crumpled up piece of yellow notebook paper).
Time to make some tea and camp out on the couch with a cat! (or two)
05.30: Almost sorry that I retrieved the crumpled up piece of yellow notebook paper. It's amazing how much noise a small cat can make with a piece of paper. But how can I begrudge someone having *that* much fun? :-) Besides, being awake at 5.30 allowed me to discover that none of us had checked the brine tank recently and it was entirely out of salt (which causes it to make a very funny noise, as well as not function properly).
Sad and lonely. Next week will be approximately two years since C and I separated after 16 years of marriage. Wednesday would have been nine months, if N and I were still together. Met someone really wonderful recently but, of course, she's spoken for. I miss sex a lot, but I miss love and closeness and having someone to share with even more. I miss just having someone warm and soft to snuggle up to at night (well, who isn't furry and apt to suddenly start clawing your feet...) and to exchange smiles and hugs with at the end of a long day.
22.00: Feeling a bit better after a good dinner (large steak with mesquite and lime marinade, salad with parmesan garlic dressing, a couple of bottles of Red Hook ESB). Battlestar Galactica miniseries and Season One DVDs on the telly, thanks to a coworker, supplemented by the Wonderfalls DVDs (thanks to a different coworker) and "Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell" on the bedside table (thanks to Waterstones). At least it's Friday night, my friends and family are safe and none of us anywhere near the Gulf Coast. Ran across a couple of nice-sounding profiles on match.com and sent off emails (eternal optimism). Got the weekend to rest, recover, and take care of a few items from my long, long "to do" list. I recovered about half a dozen cat toys from under my dresser (after Phineas basically inserted half himself underneath trying to reach them), including Nicholas's favourite toy (a rather lifelike little fur-covered wooden mouse) and Finn's favourite (a crumpled up piece of yellow notebook paper).
Time to make some tea and camp out on the couch with a cat! (or two)
05.30: Almost sorry that I retrieved the crumpled up piece of yellow notebook paper. It's amazing how much noise a small cat can make with a piece of paper. But how can I begrudge someone having *that* much fun? :-) Besides, being awake at 5.30 allowed me to discover that none of us had checked the brine tank recently and it was entirely out of salt (which causes it to make a very funny noise, as well as not function properly).
no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 06:03 pm (UTC)Chacun a son gout. I remember being far happier when I had a partner, and it wasn't just because there was someone else to clean the catbox occasionally.
I'd do that, if they didn't keep going off places (Japan, Australia, the black hole that is "raising children").
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Date: 2005-09-24 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 09:50 pm (UTC)I need to work through the process of finding out if I can get the HSMP visa or not; if not, I'll be staying here, and I can figure out what I want to do about that then. If I can get it, then I have a lot more work ahead of me, including finding a job over there, finding aplace to live, moving my stuff, moving my cats, and getting settled in a new life.
Either way, I also have to sell the house here, and I can't do that until Chris is ready to do so. And *that's* going to involve a lot of hard work (moving stuff, cleaning the place up, finding new places to live *here*, whether permanent or temporary).
And finding a new partner is not going to happen just because I talk it out with a friend. It will happen when it happens: some combination of trying to find someone and pure dumb luck will result in that, but the cares integral to being withouth that part of my life are there, like a hippo in my favourite armchair, and the hippo's not going away.
It's often good to hnag out with friends and moan, even if it won't solve anything, and I'd be up for that. But I think the last thing any of my friends want to do is listen to me bitching more. :-)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 11:13 pm (UTC)