(no subject)

[winterbadger]

In another conversation, someone said:

...what chance does partner A have of finding someone suitably compatible while partner B remains on the radar as this tremendously good friend with whom they share everything but sex?

... If you're interested in having a partner rather than just a good friend you're going to lose part of the commitment to the friend when you start looking elsewhere for a partner.

As anyone who knows me will understand, I have a vested interest in believing this not to be true. But it's a coherent expression of a response I've had from a number of people I've been interested in dating.

Comments?

[And, Max, if you object for some reason to my quoting your post, let me know. I figured it was more appropriate to do so without direct attribution and without linking to the original discussion because I wanted to discuss my reactions but I didn't want to hijack the thread the discussion originally took place in.]

Comments

[ga-sunshine.livejournal.com]

I don't know the whole situation, but I think I understand. Many of my friends don't understand why greyknight and I are still very close friends after a fourteen year marriage and now divorce. It's difficult for them to understand that connection. We have had an unconventional relationship to say the least. We have an unconventional friendship now that doesn't involve sex, but is, I guess intimate in its own way. Not weird, unhealthy intimate, just best friends, I guess. Yes, there was a lot of pain there in the end of our relationship, but we are finding new ways to reconcile that.

I don't know how you get a new partner to understand that. I know I dated someone who *had* the same kind of relationship with his ex and there were moments of jealousy and insecurity, but I also know it's how I subconsciously modeled the shapings of my new relationship with knight. (run-on sentence from hell, eh?)

I don't see why your relationship should be a barrier to potential new relationships, nor do I see why new relationships should put a damper on the current one. But, I'm realistic enough to know that not everyone thinks the same way I do. I guess all my rambling means this - yes, some people will be insecure and jealous about the other person in your life. Yes, you will be enthralled with new relationship energy in the beginning and *might* neglect your "other person." My reommendation is being clear and honest with both parties, do self-checks to make sure you're not being codependent, and make sure you find a way to get a healthy balance of both people in your life.

Good luck.