that's it for me for now
Mar. 23rd, 2011 10:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winterbadgerI had a really nice dinner last night (second date with someone I've met who I like a lot), and my sister V kindly sponsored dinner (her birthday present to me.
My date had to get home early (school teachers! yikes, she's greeting her first class while I'm still waking up), so I had the evening to think, re-read all of yesterday's news, etc.
I went to bed fairly calm, but had all sorts of strange dreams and woke up so awake at 3 am worrying. Then this morning when I woke again my stomach was griping from nerves.
This is all a cue to me. I've been worrying and fretting and struggling with this decision for weeks now. And any decision that is this difficult and this hard to make is, my gut and my experience tell me, the wrong one.
I looked over the workload for the classes I'd be taking in GIS; this is going to be tough,serious work. I'm not going to have a lot of free time to go playing about hiking and canoeing. I'm not going to have time and money to go taking trips all over Europe. If I were to do that degree, I'd be grinding hard for 12 months, then relying on (a) the regulations not changing again next year and (b) finding a job that paid over £20K in a tight labour market if I wanted to stay.
I'm simply not willing to take that chance. Too expensive, too little freedom to do what I want, and too much uncertainty at the other end. What I need is an opportunity to simply go and work a regular job that I know how to do, and that opportunity is not on offer at the moment. If that changes, I may rethink this decision.
But for now, no UK for me. I need to get on with my life and not be continually waiting for whatever the next boneheaded pronouncement from the Home Office will be.
My date had to get home early (school teachers! yikes, she's greeting her first class while I'm still waking up), so I had the evening to think, re-read all of yesterday's news, etc.
I went to bed fairly calm, but had all sorts of strange dreams and woke up so awake at 3 am worrying. Then this morning when I woke again my stomach was griping from nerves.
This is all a cue to me. I've been worrying and fretting and struggling with this decision for weeks now. And any decision that is this difficult and this hard to make is, my gut and my experience tell me, the wrong one.
I looked over the workload for the classes I'd be taking in GIS; this is going to be tough,serious work. I'm not going to have a lot of free time to go playing about hiking and canoeing. I'm not going to have time and money to go taking trips all over Europe. If I were to do that degree, I'd be grinding hard for 12 months, then relying on (a) the regulations not changing again next year and (b) finding a job that paid over £20K in a tight labour market if I wanted to stay.
I'm simply not willing to take that chance. Too expensive, too little freedom to do what I want, and too much uncertainty at the other end. What I need is an opportunity to simply go and work a regular job that I know how to do, and that opportunity is not on offer at the moment. If that changes, I may rethink this decision.
But for now, no UK for me. I need to get on with my life and not be continually waiting for whatever the next boneheaded pronouncement from the Home Office will be.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 05:22 pm (UTC)The last time I felt stress like this was in 2008, before the wedding, and before that in 2001, when I was burning out on a job. I really don't want to feel like that.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 05:18 pm (UTC)At least I have CD9 and The General to look forward to! ;-)