more sad news

[winterbadger]

My mother's sister died Sunday. As my mum said, "It wasn't very much of a surprise; she'd made her mind up that that's what was going to happen." They hadn't been in touch for a fair while, I think, after my aunt got a bit hermity and then went into a nursing home. But it's got to feel a bit lonely to be without your parents, your partner, and your only sibling. I called and talked to mum right away; she seems to be OK, and some of her friends had her over for dinner just last night. But I will feel better after soccer_fox and I have a chance to go spend a weekend with her and see how she's getting on.

Comments

[winterbadger]

Thanks Miz B. I think my mum is doing amazingly well, considering all she has had to deal with. But while my dad's passing has shaken her up a bit more than she thought it would, the simple truth is that she had come to dislike him so much, and she had come to fear having to look after him on her own as he got more and more incapacitated (not that we would have let her deal with that on her own, but fear is not rational...) that she's mostly feeling a bit guilty that she isn't more upset by his absence.

And from a short conversation with her today she's feeling the same way about her sister. There's a sadness that she's completely gone, but that's leavened by the fact that she (Aunt D.) hasn't actually been *present* for a long time. After she retired from her small-town library job, she stopped answering her phone and stopped responding to letters, which really upset my mother for some time, since they had always had a regular (couple of letters back and forth a week) correspondence. Then my aunt decided to go live on the island (off the coast of Maine) year-round and she became, if possible, even more remote. They hadn't seen each other for, oh, maybe 5-10 years? So, this has been more of the cap to a gradual loss over many years.

But still, it's sad. :-(

[noting-nothing.livejournal.com]

Someone said something to me recently which resonated with me. That death makes relationships closer again - through the fact that you can no longer resolve differences etc.

Your poor mother, it is so much to happen in close proximity. And for you, as well. I hope you are able to get over there soon. Take care.