whew....

[winterbadger]

I was going to write something about the announcement that all US Army tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan are now being extended to 15 months, but I realised I just don't have the energy for another round of anger and frustration at how badly this war is being run. I'm too tired and dispirited.

I'm feeling exhausted right now. Mostly happy, because of all the good things that are going on with Neta. :-) Sad too, obviously, at losing my dad. :-( Most every day brings a new insight into how I'm going to miss him, despite the fact that we haven't been in close contact for quite a while. I've been thinking about the things that he left behind him--not the objects, I mean, but the events and activities that made up his life now and in the past, and what those mean to me. I have a feeling somehow that they ought to shape my future in some way, that I ought to be finding something of his to carry on. But I haven't thought through that very far.

But I'm tired. I've been getting a good deal less sleep on average than I normally do for some time, and that's got to stop at some point soon. I need to get back to exercising much more than I am now. I *really* need to lose some weight. And I need to look at what I'm doing and make sure I'm not overloading myself with commitments and activities. There are a number of things I haven't done in a while that I'm beginning to miss, and new things that I'd like to do which I'm going to have to find time for. In the middle of that I'm still doing 2+ jobs at work, getting ready to move, trying to help get our house ready to sell (haven't done jack to contribute to that lately).

I'm also dealing with a major change in direction and focus. Between my dad's death and what I will need to do to help resettle my mother on the one hand and my burgeoning relationship with Neta on the other, I'm OK with putting my plans for moving to the UK on the shelf. Not on a high shelf or in the bin, just moving them aside for the moment. But that's been my preoccupation for so long now that I'm having trouble adjusting to that not being the central focus of my spare time and my regular topic of thought and conversation. It's taking a big mental effort to re-direct to the topics at hand now, and that sometimes makes me sad. It's a necessary and desirable change, but there are times that I'm not happy about it.

Comments

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.

[winterbadger]

Thank you.

[wolfette]

at least you got to say goodbye to your father and had some preparation for him passing.

[winterbadger]

True. It could have been much more sudden and difficult (or, worse, longer and difficult).

[azbound.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you a lot, sending good vibes your way. I'm not surprised you're exhausted - you've been juggling a myriad of balls lately, and now you have put some of those down and exchanged them for balls of some different weight and content - some easy and fun to juggle (Neta) and some that are weighty and painful (your father). Add in the regular stuff of, you know, "life" and it only makes sense that you're tired.

I'm glad you were able to go away with Neta and get some quiet time, and I hope that in the months to come you will continue to do that - even if it is in your own bed.

My friend Angela did a very interesting thing which I did for myself - she did a committment abstention for six months - she took on nothing new for that amount of time. It allowed her to focus on the pots she currently had simmering and complete some things. I find myself doing that, just in more minor ways and I love the sense of peace it gives me.

My best to you, cher - I hope the rest of the year (and you know, life in general) is kind to you and giving, as I know you are.

XOXOXO

[winterbadger]

Thanks, sweetie! I think the idea of abstention is probably a sensible one. I know that, much as I love them, I don't want to get like my sister C and her partner--constantly so overbooked that they are exhausted, hard to keep in touch with, and so frantic that they don't seem to have time to stop and smell the roses. They are wonderful in the amount they do for others, and I can only hope that their lives are just what they mean them to be. I do know it wouldn't suit me, and I need to guard against it creeping up on me unawares.

I miss you, you know. I do wish I could hang out with you from time to time; sitting in your kitchen and talking is a pleasure I miss whenever I think of you. I'm longing for you to meet Neta, too!

[verdandiweaves.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you and your family (incl Neta) right now.

[winterbadger]

Thank you!

I know I've run right across the advice that you (and others) gave me. I don't know at the moment whether it's impetuousness or good judgement or selfishness or something else. I don't even know whether it is the right thing to do or a species of cowardice (not grasping the nettle). I guess time will tell. Anyway, I'm very grateful to friends who continue to sympathise even after their (doubtless wise) counsel hasn't been heeded.