Gazza: Heart stopped three times

One of football's most legendary living reprobates discussed his self-destructive (one hopes former) lifestyle with Sky News recently. It's pretty awful stuff, and it makes me feel sorry for the guy at least so far as he was clearly unprepared (as many young athletes are) for success and didn't develop coping mechanisms before his impulses destroyed his career and nearly his life.

But at one point it's remarked that "Gascoigne has had a well-publicised battle with alcohol, and admits that only four months ago he was drinking 30 cans of Special Brew (strong lager) per day."

I have, on more than one occasion, had far more to drink than was sensible, and have cut back to the point that if I have 3-4 drinks more than once a week, I feel guilty of going on a bender. Thirty cans of high-octane beer A DAY? I simply can't understand how he's not dead.

Farewell, Harper! Welcome...

Max!

Well, he *is* blue...

I am now the proud owner of a 2009 Toyota Matrix S-type. I test-drove the Element, and I was sorely tempted by it. But, truth be told, it's much hugerer than I need, I'm not going to need the 4WD nearly as much as I would like to think, and the mileage issue would make me lie awake at night thinking I was a bad global citizen.

So I broke the news to Mr Ali, who was very nice about it. He got in touch with the people at the Carmax new Toyota dealership, and I drove at breakneck speed through the rain to get from Dulles to Laurel in just about an hour in order to effect the deal. They were just about to close, but I pled with them and they relented and stayed open long enough to sell me the car.

I *really* like Max, who is the first new car I've had since Chris and I bought the Black Douglas, our Honda Accord wagon, back in the early 1990s. I'm up off the deck more than in the Prizm, so I don't have to shoehorn myself downwards to get in and I don't have everyones' headlights in my eyes at night. He can actually accelerate without complaining, and all too easily goes well over 70 mph :-)

Nothing can be done without blood sacrifice, however, and as I handed over the registration of the old car I found it was covered with blood--I had managed to cut the ball of my thumb on the metal of the coat hangers carrying my old suits that I had removed from Harper's backseat (I keep meaning to donate them to someplace that helps homeless people prepare for job interviews). If anyone ever needs to track me, both my DNA and my thumbprint are on that paper now...

So exciting having electric everything (mirrors, windows). It has a sunroof and (joy of joys) a rear windscreen wiper, as well as all sorts of hideyholes and funky gadgets. Just as I was arriving home, I noticed the one thing it doesn't have--ashtrays! Ah, world, how you have changed...