Rosh Hashanah humour

[winterbadger]

The New Year begins this evening, so I thought in the spirit of the season I'd share a joke a friend of mine sent me. It's an oldie (in Internet terms), but a goodie...

As you may or not know--on Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich.

Some Jews traditionally go to a running body of water such as the ocean, a stream or a river to pray and throw in bread crumbs. This symbolizes throwing away one's sins, which the fish devour [or at any rate get carrried away].

Occasionally, people ask what kinds of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:

For ordinary sins - White Bread
For erotic sins - French Bread
For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel
For complex sins - Multigrain Bread
For sins of indecision - Waffles
For sins committed in haste - Matzos
For sins of chutzpah - Any fresh bread
For substance abuse - Stoned wheat crackers
For committing auto theft - Caraway
For timidity/cowardice - Milk toast
For ill-temper - Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity - Nut bread
For excessive irony - Rye bread
For unnecessary chances - Hero bread
For warmongering - Kaiser rolls
For dressing immodestly - Tarts
For lechery and promiscuity -Hot buns
For promiscuity with gentiles - Hot-cross buns
For racist attitudes - Crackers
For being holier than thou - Bagels
For overeating - Stuffing
For indecent photography - Cheesecake
For raising your voice too often - Challah
For pride and egotism - Puff pastry
For sycophancy, ass-kissing - Brownies
For being overly smothering - Angel-food cake
For trashing the environment - Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns - Corn bread

A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!