winterbadger | Oct. 19th, 2007

I've seen links to this article in a number of blogs recently. All I can say is "Amen!" I've been, in the past, in several LDRs that started online; some of the people I corresponded with were real, genuine people who I eventually met and either hit it off with or didn't. Others were, well, let's just say less genuine. Let's just say that I twigged where this story was going LONG before it reached it's dramatic climax. There is a pattern, or something like a pattern, that is all too familiar.

Even one experience, much less deeply rooted and traumatic than this one, and you will begin being suspicious of everyone you meet, begin looking for the "angle" behind every innocent approach. People don't always do this sort of thing because they want money or other material things but because they want attention, personal attention, and control. They are often living deeply fucked up lives, and they want to be able to *make* someone else do and feel what they want them to, just because that way they feel as if, for once, *they* are the one in control, the master or mistress of fate and destiny.

And it's not just through the Internet that this happens. Plenty of people do this sort of thing without the screen or cover of electronic anonymity. They do their lying and deceiving right to your face.

I'm not saying that one should be wary and distrustful of every new person you meet, online or elsewhere. It would be a sad world if we were all suspicious and cynical all the time; in fact, that's the greatest harm that people like this do, IMO--taking away someone else's ability to take people at face value and accept them for who they are. There are so many good, decent, honest people in the world that we should not construct a nautilus shell of fear around ourselves. But we should also not stifle the little voice in the back of our heads that says "If it seems to good to be true, make sure that it really isn't," or, like The Great Communicator, "Trust...but verify." Openness and willingness to offer trust and friendship to those deserving of it are not faults. But naivete is as dangerous as bitter cynicism is soul-threatening.