I'm listening to John Ferling's Adams vs. Jefferson: The Tumultuous Election of 1800. Right at the beginning of the book, he remarks that Jefferson, traveling from Charlottesvile to Georgetown and then on to the Federal City, crossed into the District of Columbia when he took the ferry across the Potomac into Georgetown.

No. No, no, no. He crossed into the District of Columbia when, after watering his horses at a tavern in Falls Church, he travelled east across the land that would be incorporated as the County of Alexandria in 1801. This area, formerly part of Virginia, had become part of the District on the latter's creation in 1790 and it's surveying in 1792.

Prof. Ferling is unquestionably an outstanding scholar of early American history. Anyone can make mistakes. And this is a pretty small one. But it's also a bit of a howler.

Most people who know me are aware that I am prey to many and varied irrational enthusiasms and loathings. When it comes to punctuation (a subject that, of course, everyone feels desperately strongly about!), I am a vocal advocate of the serial (or Oxford) comma and a deadly foe of the unnecessary (often called the grocer's) apostrophe ("we sell orange's and lemon's.")

Like the persistent inappropriate use of the subjective case ("he gave the document to George and I"), persistent inappropriate use of the apostrophe indicates a sort of harassed sensibility of "I know I'm not doing something right, but I'm not sure what, so I'll just do the opposite of what comes naturally." Instead of taking the (relatively short amount of) time to learn how to do something right, the user is doing something different, repetitively and intransigently. To me, this says, "I am not only poorly educated, but I am also stubborn and refuse to make even a small effort to learn."

I have a tiny bit of sympathy (though only a tiny bit) for those who use it with acronyms (at least in America, where we still put them in all caps; of the decadent UK, where they have thrown away all decency and humanity and strip their acronyms of their caps, I cannot speak--it is too painful). Obviously, such words have something different about them, and I can understand the clumsy thought process of the prehistoric brain trickling along "It's different. So, when I make it plural--shouldn't that be different too?" But no, Piltdown Man (and Woman): if you put one PATRIOT missile next to another PATRIOT missile, you do not have two PATRIOT's, just two PATRIOTs. Trust me--you're overthinking this, and thinking is clearly not your long suit.

So, how sad does it make me, browsing the latest entry in J.L. Bell's Boston 1775 blog (the blog that makes me want to be a professional historian every time I read it) to see our Great Leader, the Chairman Mao of the USA of A, writing to a fellow officer during the Revolution:

It is unnecessary for me to observe to you, the multiplicity of business I am Involved In—the number of Letters, Orders, & Instruction’s I have to write—

Oh, ouch! General, my general, did you have to do that? But, you know, they just had different sensibilities about these things in the 18th century. After all, if one looks at the paragraph as a whole, there is enough grammatical disorder and mayhem there to set an entire schoolroom full of English teachers fainting and reaching for the spirits of hartshorn.

It is unnecessary for me to observe to you, the multiplicity of business I am Involved In—the number of Letters, Orders, & Instruction’s I have to write—with many other matters which call loudly for Aids that are ready Pen-men—I have long waited in exasperation of Colo. Reeds return, but now despair of it. Randolph who was also ready at his Pen, leaves me little room to expect him; my business in short, will not allow me to wait, as I have none but Mr. Harrison (for Mr. Moylan must be call’d of to attend his duty as Commissary of Musters) who can afford me much assistance in that way, and he, in case Colo. Reed should not return, has the promise of succeeding him.

An unnecessary apostrophe in one line, and the screaming absence of a needed on in the next. We won't even discuss the spelling and the unnecessary capitalisation. Yes, General Washington, yes, you do need a new secretary. Soon.

In all good humour, gentle readers, allow me to remain, your humble and obedient &c.

Oh dear...

Wow. Just wow.

If the Internet is the Information Superhighway, there's going to be a big tailback as a result of rubbernecking at this horrific trainwreck. Emergency workers are carrying off the remains of a self-publishing author's reputation on a stretcher, but I think they've already pulled the blanket over its face...

You don't make the plural of anything--ANYTHING--by adding an apostrophe+s.

Santa's is not several Santas--it's something that belongs to Santa.

[insert ACRONYM]'s is not several [ACRONYM]s--it's something that belongs to [ACRONYM]

[abbreviation]'s is not several [abbreviations]--it's something that belongs to [abbreviation]

Please, apostrophes are a precious natural resource. When they are all used up, they will be gone. Don't misuse them; by doing so, you cheat future generations of their apostrophes. [Insert image of child with a single, glittering tear tracking down his/her cheek.]

Remember, fellow countrypeople--we're at war. Don't waste precious rare commodities that are needed for the war effort--conserve apostrophes! [Insert stirring WWII poster in which Tojo has been replaced with bin Laden.] Loose keyboards sink ships!

There was something unconsciously stupid in someone's OKC profile I read the other day that I considered mocking here (without attribution, of course). But I decided that was unkind, even if I did it without naming names.

But this is too rich, and I feel just fine mocking OK Cupid itself.

So, an otherwise very appealing woman says in her profile, "I'm allergic to cats, so that's why I put that I don't like cats in my profile. I think they sense my allergies because cats like to follow me around!" Her profile, in the section on pets, does in fact say "Dislikes cats".

What does the "staff robot" suggest in showing me this profile?( Read more... )

I saw this recently on the back cover of a game box.

For two years Britain and America have been locked in a spiteful war. Now, following the defeat of Napoleon, Canada's Governor-General George Prevost has been reinforced, and he sees a chance to strike a blow. His plan is to clear the British from Lake Champlain and seize the neighboring territory, perhaps as far south as Fort Ticonderoga. In that way he will drive a British wedge between the states of New York and Vermont, and thus gain leverage at the peace negotiations that will surely begin soon. In his path lies the little town of Plattsburgh.


(I didn't memorise it--I got the text from the company's website, where someone had corrected the egregious error that had been missed before the box art went to the printers.)

"Suspected US strike kills eight, CIA chief in Pak"

As my friend who pointed that out to me observed, they probably meant that to be a semicolon, not a comma...

Crossposted to cranky_editors.

Another stupid sports writer who doesn't get it

On top of all the other idiocy in this piece, the sentence "I love the equestrian events as well, although riding around 30-odd years ago on a big placid mare in the summertime wearing shorts and a halter doesn't really make me a candidate for dressage" really springs out. No matter how you diagram this sentence, either the horse was wearing clothing or the author was engaging in some early pony play.

This is why you have editors--to stop you from looking this stupid. This is why you should listen to them.