excellent!

[winterbadger]

Many thanks to shy_kat for pointing me toward this article in Salon on Scotland. Truly hilarious, and hilariously true. Well, OK, so the gloom and doom is a bit overwrought, but who can do anything but applaud a pair of paragraphs like this?

Roger Moore must die! The English bastard stole the greatest cinematic role from the only modern Scotsman who ever reached over 6-foot-2. Everyone knows that Scot Sean Connery was the greatest James Bond, always on target with a Beretta and between hot female thighs. He was a man who surely fathered thousands of children by wearing a short bathrobe in the international cock ring of spies. Then he was pulled off the secret agent beat by an effete English private school ninny, a cad who could not act his way out of a paper bag. Scotland's negative population growth would have been eliminated if Big Sean had been allowed to keep up his end of the bargain with the ladies.

And who else must be placed in the grave with the Scots? Try the Australian, fundamentalist Catholic actor-dwarf who portrayed "Braveheart." Mel Gibson’s portrayal of Scots hero William Wallace as a 5-foot-4 freedom-freak missed the mark completely. Wallace was a 6-foot-7, 16 pints of whisky a day champion. This cultural robbery exemplifies the sclerosis that threatens to rot the liver of any society: revisionist history. "Freedom!" yelled the passionate kangaroo, but we all know in Scotland that Wallace raised an army not for silly ideas like liberty but because the English were forcing their warm, tepid beer on us.